


Short Form Dreaming in Wardrobes

by Last_Haven



Series: 3 Sentence Ficathon [7]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: 3 Sentence Ficathon, Angst and Feels, Bisexual Susan, Bittersweet, Challenge Response, Humor, Multi, Squirrels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-02 19:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17269580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Haven/pseuds/Last_Haven
Summary: Written for the 3 Sentence Ficathon on Dreamwidth. Chapter 1, In the end, Susan makes friends with the emptiness inside. (Parts 1-9) Chapter 2,  Susan finds the way back. Chapter 3, a letter to the past. Chapter 4, they all carry their faith in their own ways. Chapter 5, Edmund argues with a squirrel and loses. Chapter 6, Susan and Lucy try not giggle at some terrible time keeping.





	1. You're going to carry that weight a long time

1\. There is only their mother to see them off from the train station, but Susan is not surprised; most of their school friends have already been evacuated and have already said their goodbyes. There is an emptiness, however, where Laura should have been--Laura who ran faster than any of the boys, Laura who laughed at even the silliest jokes, Laura who pressed a kiss to Susan's cheek after Janice poured paint on Susan's dress and sneered. Kind, lovely Laura, whose house disappeared into a crater after the bombing one night.  
  
Let Peter and Edmund grumble about being sent away; Susan is glad to be leaving London and only hopes the hole in her heart remains here as she travels to the countryside.  
  
2\. Lucy's cordial can't save everyone after the battle is done; the dying are spread too far for even the most lionhearted girl to reach them all. That's what Susan reminds herself as she cups the handful of petals left behind as Sinoe disappears from her grasp, the spear in her belly falling with a dull thump against the grass. She'd only just got the epimeliad's head onto her lap when she breathed her last without a single word passed between them. She remembers Laura, bright and smiling, and remembers whispering, soothing Sinoe, and wonders that if maybe she could have just gotten to either of them sooner, then maybe this emptiness wouldn't be chewing away at her insides.  
  
3\. They all come tumbling out of the wardrobe, like falling ninepins; Susan needs a moment to collect herself. She turns and looks back at the wardrobe and thinks about how Mister Tumnus is going to be sitting down to the tea party she'd invited him to and wonder where they were. She thinks about Owain, who was the best dancer in the court, who had kissed her so sweetly, who she whispered to Lucy about in a fit of girlish glee because if there was any man she would take as husband, then it had to be him. She thinks about all the people who are going to be wondering just where they are right about now and she feels the emptiness yawning open inside her again.  
  
4\. In spite of the fact that she did wave and wish them well, Susan still feels cheated and empty when she gets the phone call of the derailing, the most horrific train crash in recent memory they say. She got to kiss Edmund and Lucy's cheeks, give Peter's hand a passing squeeze, and hugged her parents before they left, but as she sits at the funeral, she wants to wrench the coffins open and demand something more. But there's only this--five coffins, one of which only really contains pieces, and that sticks in her craw too--and the emptiness.  
  
One would think she would be used to this, but that's a foolish thought, because it can never be enough.

5\. The emptiness aches, but Susan grows and grows around it, like a wound finally scabbing over. She picks up a brush and her lipstick, goes into business with a friend of hers who has a camera, and gets on with her life. Sometimes she thinks about her brushes, her tools, thinks about how Jill and Polly once sneered at them, and that pain is still there; but she has grown, if only in a crooked way, and she can put the hurt behind her.   
  
It's not enough, but it will do.  
  
6\. It's funny, the things that are helpful. It's not the goodbyes she does get, it's not the promises to stay and stay safe, it's not even the hellos. It's this: the quiet of the morning in the bedroom while London shakes itself awake, the warmth on the other side of the bed as she reaches over and grabs onto Grace's nightgown, even the foul taste of Grace's morning breath.  
  
The emptiness is always there, but it feels a little smaller in those moments.  
  
7\. With Grace's hand in her own, the emptiness is bearable. She has a tether as she walks in this world while the decades roll on; she feels safe and anchored, even when she's alone.  
  
Complacent, the emptiness ambushes her on the morning she rolled over and found Grace's hand cold.  
  
8\. Grace is in the ground, near the plot of Susan's family because Susan knows they would have welcomed her in life, so she knows they will do so in death. Susan is old now, has been for a long time, so she knows this hole inside her as near as a friend, like it is just another mourner here at the funeral. It's funny, but maybe it's tolerable now because this is just one more funeral, one more missed goodbye.  
  
9\. But maybe this is the truth: Susan's own goodbye is not long in waiting. One day, she falls in the garden; she's dead not long after hitting the ground, and she knows no pain. More than that, though, she knows no fear--this time, she didn't miss the goodbye.


	2. Born Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While this was a request I filled on the 3 Sentence Ficathon, this is really a sequel to the last chapter, even if it does stand alone. The prompt was "when you lose God you can't just retrace your steps; you have to find a new door"

Narnia is not in any wardrobe or painting Susan ever checks; it's not to be found in a pair of rings, recovered from the Crash, or the Wood between Worlds with it's dried up hollows of earth.  
  
It's not in any bottle, any sermon, any book, or any secret out-of-the-way place she can think of.  
  
So, it's a surprise when she finds it the hand of a kind lover, an eager ear to hear her woes, and in the gentle grace of a kiss that leads her to make peace with half forgotten memories of a childhood game that was not--in truth--ever just a game.  
  
Susan finds her way back to paradise only when she opens her heart to it.


	3. Dear Susan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, like the last one, was a sequel for my first fill on the 3 Sentence Ficathon that shows up in the first chapter here, although this can be read on its own. The request was "a letter to my childhood self".

Dear Susan,  
  
My, how long has it been since I've thought of you, let alone been you. I'm sure this will sound very silly and very immature of me, writing a letter to you, my child self. It's not like you shall ever receive this letter, but, all the same, I find myself wanting to speak to you, to warn and encourage.  
  
First off, cherish your siblings--yes, even when Lucy follows you everywhere, even when Edmund steals your chocolates, even when Peter bosses you about, going on about how he is the eldest. You'll never know how lonely you will find yourself, when you turn to ask Edmund a question, whisper a secret to Peter, or tell a joke to Lucy, only to find them gone and then remember that they've been that way for years.  
  
Kiss your mother every chance and listen to everything she tells you; you're going to need to remember it all when you're young, because she won't be able to tell you about it when you get to be older, and she has so much to say. There's so much I wish I had asked her.  
  
As for your father, don't worry--yes, he will come home to you all. Love and cherish him too because you're going to miss him, his voice, even the smell of tobacco in the evenings.  
  
Cherish your friends as well; some will come and go, but keep Penny and Mary close to your heart because they won't abandon you, ever. And Laura, oh, enjoy your time with Laura while you can--she'll remain in your heart, always. And you will make other friends--oh, you wouldn't believe some of the friends you make, but they will be dear to you.  
  
I do not mean to sound all doom and gloom--I promise, there will come a time that the bombings stop, that you'll get to grow up and get to chose what do with your life and no one will be able to take that from you. That last bit might sound odd to you, but as you grow, you'll understand it better and it'll be reassuring then.  
  
You'll not be alone forever; you will have friends and acquaintances that will make it all bearable.   
  
And yes, you will find yourself someone to grow old with. It may not be quite someone you would expect at your age, but times will not always be unkind to you two. What was not spoken of in the past is so commonplace now; my heart is warmer now because of it than I'd ever hoped. You'll know her when you meet her, I promise. Grace is going to love and care for you so much. And help you with so, so many things.  
  
Which brings me to the last point. It's very important, Susan, so pay attention. Very shortly, you will leave for the country, to escape the bombings--I know this Professor Diggory might sound a little off putting, but he's really a very good man, if a bit rough around the edges. Mum told you all it will be an adventure and the truth is that she is right. Just keep an open mind about it--before and after. Especially after. Even if it hurts.  ~~Because if you don't~~  
  
~~If you don't~~  
  
Well, remember what I said. Oh, and don't feel bad when you can't stop checking the backs of closets and wardrobes, even if you know it only brings you grief. You're just human, Susan, and that's all you have to be--that might be the most important thing Grace has taught me.  
  
And most of all, remember this--while little girls might pretend to be a princess, you are a queen, and always will be.  _Always._  
  
With all my love and hope,  
Susan


	4. We are The Lights in the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the 3 Sentence Ficathon on Dreamwidth. This prompt was for any fandom and any characters, and the request was "belief"

1\. For Lucy, there was never a moment of wavering, never a sliver of uncertainty. Her faith was more reliable the sun or the tides. Sometimes, it humbled the others, but others it just exasperated them and she was at times left alone, holding her belief like a beacon in the dark.  
  
2\. Peter tried to be faithful. He was humble enough to admit that sometimes he fumbled, that he followed the letter rather than the spirit of the word. But in the trembling dark, when it was easiest to falter, Peter kept his faith with him, a life preserver to pull him back to safety.  
  
3\. Edmund would be first to admit that he was one to first falter. But he was also the first to find his way back. Edmund kept faith and doubt in his heart and used it to make him kind.  
  
4\. Susan kept her faith in her mouth, hidden under her tongue where no one could snatch it away so carelessly. She kept her smile closed and tight lipped because it was a fragile thing, abused again and again, and a sharp word would protect it, even if it meant she had to stumble in the dark without the light. It was only fitting that a kiss (a lifetime of kisses) was the thing to draw it out of her, to let it shine the way back.  
  
5\. It was not a competition, their faiths. Despite bitter words, it was never supposed to be a condemnation on each other's souls. So when Susan joins them once more, faith as bright and steady as theirs ever was, they shine together, four bright stars in a constellation again.


	5. Well, MAYBE the Best Man shouldn't have been so careless with the rings and this wouldn't have happened in the first place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fill was for Narnian Squirrels and the prompt was "hoarders".

Edmund strained, stretching his fingers as far as they would go to tap a knock at the little door that someone had put over the tree's hollow. "Look, I know you're quite taken with it, but you must give me that ring back."  
  
"No," the little squirrel shrieked back, safely tucked behind the door, "I shan't!"  
  
"Bloody squirrels," he muttered, trying to restrain himself from just pounding on the tree with his fist. "How's anyone supposed to get married around here when the squirrels steal the engagement ring from the Best Man?"


	6. On the upshot, he won't have to worry about winter this year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fill's prompt was "squirrels with poor time management skills".

Susan looked up from her teacup as Rattlerun tumbled through the open window straight into the side of Lord Jackatooth, who luckily was a very laidback sort of flat coat retriever and so only huffed and went back to his teacup, all while shouting "I've done it, I'm all done!"  
  
Lucy giggled behind her cup while Susan arched a brow and helped untangle the flailing squirrel from the dog's longhaired fur before offering him a chair and a biscuit. "While it's good to see you too, Rattlerun, perhaps next time you should try the door instead."  
  
"Ah, yes, awfully sorry about that, missed the landing, but, but! I have much more important news than that," he shouted and before any of them could politely ask, he tossed his paws up in the air and shouted "I've finally finished storing all my nuts for winter!"  
  
There was a long pause where Lucy blew a few accidental bubbles into her tea, the dog tried to disguise his laugh as a huff, and Susan bit her lip to keep from smiling. "Oh? Just now?"  
  
"Just now! Ah, but I meant to tell King Peter first as I promised to report to him the moment I was done, so, please, excuse me, your majesties," and like that he was gone, running out the door.  
  
Lucy grinned after him and turned to Susan, opening her mouth to ask "when do you think we shall tell him it's April?"  
  
"Absolutely never," Susan answered and went back to her tea.


End file.
